The Online Dating Zoo

It’s a bloody zoo out there. Trying to wade through all of the emails in order to find one decent prospect in the bunch is a daunting task to say the least….overwhelming in fact. In some ways though it’s very easy once you get your stride and learn what to look for and only accept those who meet with your standards. I’d relate it very closely to being an employer seeking employees. You’ll get load and loads of resumes and you have the task of narrowing down the tide of paper to a few possible applicants. After that you contact them for interviews and see where things go from there.

You’ll be able to weed out at least half the flood right away. If you’ve done your work properly and set up your profile outlining what you are looking for then you’ll be able to discard those replies that fall outside of your criteria. For instance, if you say that you looking for men under 35, then anyone over that mark can be discarded. If you say you love cats and someone responds and you find out by reading their profile that they are allergic then pass over them too.

Also, and I can’t stress this on enough. If there’s anyone that gives you even the slightest sense of worry or disapproval, then go with it and keep looking.

Case in point as an example. One gentleman emailed me expressing interest. I went and looked at his profile he seemed interesting enough. He seemed diverse, committed and sincere. The red flag came up when I read his viewpoint on dating, and I quote:

“if you're interested in dating several men at once or in continuing your search while exploring a relationship with one man, then I am definitely not the man for you.”

This in itself is not a bad thing at all. If you are truly interested in someone and you’ve gotten past the initial meet and greet and getting to know you part then committing to one person is the right way to go. The problem with this particular case was that he seemed pressuring for a commitment right away! I didn’t even know him from a hole in the ground and he seemed like he wanted a commitment to exclusivity. I got an email in the evening, but did not reply right away. I usually reply the next day. I’m going to outline the whole email conversation with time lines so you can see what, in my particular case, made me feel pressured, and ultimately made me reject this individual.

Him (the initial connection, March 04): Hi there. If you are still single and looking would you care to chat? Hope to hear from you.

Me (replying March 04): Hi, Yup still single for the moment. How are you?

Him (sent March 05): I am doing good and how about yourself?

Him (sent March 06): so are you still interested or have you met someone because you haven't replied to my last two messages?

Me (sent March 06): Hmmm.....only got one message yesterday? Did you send another one?

Him (sent March 06, 6:11 pm) Yes I did. But you didn't reply back to either? Have you met someone?

Him (sent March 06, 6:39 pm) So have you met someone or not interested anymore? Please just let know rather than ignoring my messages so I can move on to someone who is interested in getting to know one another?

Me (my last message, March 06) Hey, Sorry for the email mix ups. I really hadn't received anything from you until yesterday, and in all honesty I run a pretty busy schedule (work related mostly) so I don't always reply right away.

I have a feeling that we probably would not make the best match. I don't like feeling bad that someone is upset that I didn't get back to them asap.

Truly, good luck in your search and I hope you find someone who compliments you well.

Ok, now you see what an exchange can look like. I do not like feeling pressured to email people back right away within minutes of getting an incoming message. I also do not think it is fair for someone to imply I am ignoring them if I do not get back to them ASAP. For goodness sake buddy, I have a life outside of the computer! I do not sit with my fingers hovering over the keys just waiting to reply to your email. To me this person is showing early signs of control issues, and impatience. If they can’t handle the fact that I did not get back to them RIGH AWAY what else would have been in store down the road? Red flags were starting to wave around with this one. For goodness sake this is just within the first five emails! Sorry, this is potential crap I DO NOT want to deal with. If they are trying shit like this right off the get-go then I do not want to be around later on.

If you feel uncomfortable with someone for whatever reason then move on. Your safety and happiness are what's important here. Onward and upward as they say.